Smothered Greens and Gettin' Reg'ler

posted January 30, 2008
  by Josh Gunn, Bachelor Chow

When I was kid and my mom made greens, I'd find myself singing the refrain of an old Lynard Skynard song, the lyrics of which I cannot repeat because they'd sue us. What I said, however, was "yuck, what's that smell?" I'll admit the smell of cooking collard, turnip, or kale greens is not the smell of death (that smell, my friends, is reserved for the dentist's office), but it does reek nonetheless. Fortunately, just like I learned to love cheap beer, I learned to love the fragrant wafts of cooking smothered greens, a necessary side dish for any proper bachelor's table—southern or not!

Now, for those of you not in the know, smothered greens consist of any variety and combination of the leafy green tops of collard, mustard, turnip, or kale plants. Apparently there is evidence that people have eaten collard and kale greens for thousands of years. But the way we tend to eat 'em today in the southern United States descends from the culinary ingenuity of enslaved African Americans.

When slave owners gave their slaves food it was often table scraps, left over bits of pig (like the feet), and so on, which our fellow Americans turned into smothered greens, a complex medley of meaty and tangy flavors. I should also admit that people either love or detest smothered greens because of their strong flavor. However, if you've never tried them you should make them at least once in your life, especially if you are constipated. And heck, I can even tell you how to make the vegetarian variety. See below.

The thing about smothered greens is they are absolutely, positively lifeless when they're done, so you can leave 'em on the stove for a while to keep them warm if need be. You MUST serve these with cornbread, which I'll tell ya how to make next week. And, of course, don't throw out the liquid or "pot likker" when the greens are done: you pour this into little bowls and then dip your cornbread in it. Yum! Finally, yes, smothered greens are delicious to most folks with good taste, but don't over indulge because they'll work a number on your digestive tract.


Joshie Juice's Juicy Smothered Greens Recipe
http://www.cdkitchen.com/


Serves/Makes: 4
Ready in: 1-2 hrs

* 6 pounds greens of any variety
* OR
* 3 bags pre-washed greens
* 1 cup chopped onion
* 1 cup chopped green pepper
* 1/2 cup chopped celery
* 1/2 pound bacon
* OR
* 1/4 cup olive oil (for vegetarians)
* 2 ham hocks
* OR
* 2 packages Goya Ham Flavored Concentrate
* Creole seasoning (e.g., Slap Ya Mama, Tony's, etc.)
* black pepper
* 3 teaspoons of white vinegar (or to taste)
* Hot peppered vinegar

A'ight, this is how real bachelors make greens: cut up the bacon into little squares and put them with a stock pot, Dutch oven, or other cooking pot sufficiently large and lid-able. Fry the bacon on medium-high heat to render the fat. Then, lower the heat a bit and cook the holy trinity (what we call celery, pepper, and onions in Louisiana) until the veggies are soft and the onion translucent; if you're a vegetarian, you can use olive oil to sauté the holy trinity instead.

Cut up the leaves into one-inch-wide strips and remove the stems from the middle, even if you buy the pre-washed kind in a bag, because collard-cuttin' machines don't remove all the stems, and the stems don't cook-down easily. Turn down the heat to medium and slowly add your greens as the leaves wilt, occasionally turning from the bottom. Initially you won't be able to fit all the greens in your pot, but eventually they will cook down.

Once you fit all the greens into the pot, add you ham hocks and vinegar (or if you're a vegetarian, add the fake ham powder, which you can usually find in the Jewish foods section of the grocery store) and cover the pot with a lid. The vinegar takes out some of the bitterness of the greens. You might taste the greens to get a sense of how bitter they are and adjust the vinegar you add accordingly.

Anyhoot, cover, reduce heat to low-medium and let the greens cook down more for about ten or fifteen minutes. Then what you want to do is season them with your Creole seasoning and pepper to taste, add about two or three cups of water, and reduce heat to a simmer. Simmer the greens for about an hour and a half more.

©2009 CDKitchen, Inc. No reproduction or distribution of this article is allowed without express permission from CDKitchen, Inc.
To share this article with others, you may link to this page:
http://cooking.cdkitchen.com/BachelorChow/641.html



printer-friendly version

Comment on this article:

CDK Today with Valerie Whitmore